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June 27, 2009
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Note:  Please take a laughing pill while reading this.  It is completely meant to not be taken seriously (except for the last line which should totally be taken seriously).

***

Spps y wrt n ntrstng stry.  Spps t ws th bst stry y hd vr wrttn.  Nw tk tht splndd stry nd rs ll th vwls.  rs thm ll ntl th stry mks n sns bcs, wll, wht s  wrd wtht  vwl?   spps thr r sm wrds wth n vwl.  Th wrd “my” fr nstnc hs n vwl, bt sn’t thr  syng, “nd smtms y?”   stry wtht vwls wld b cnfsng, prplxng, cmpltly bfflng.  Wld y b bl t rd t?  Wld y b bl t cmprhnd wht th stry ws syng?

Nw thnk f  wrld wth n vwls.  t lst th wrld f lttrs tht r sd n th vrs lnggs sch s nglsh, tln, nd Grmn.  Wht wld ths crzy wrld b lk wtht ths nn-cnsnnts?  Prhps “y” cld rplc ll f thm, cnsdrng ts rl f wntng t b bth th tcst nd t b n th “n-crwd.”  D y blv sch  fctnl plc cld xst?  Wll, thr r thr lnggs tht spll dffrntly… thy dn’t ncssrly hv vwls – lk, fr xmpl, th pplr mng nm nd mng fns, th Jpns lngg.  Hwvr, thy srt f hv vwls.  Whn thr lngg s trnd nt rmj, thy hv wht r vwls t s.  Th wrds lk “kw,” “sg,” nd “ngr” wldn’t xst wtht vwls – fr sm, m, vrsd “wb” xmpls.

Rdng  bk wtht vwls wld b xtrmly dffclt, dn’t y gr?  spclly fr crtn wrds lk “st” nd “st.”  Y wldn’t knw wht th dffrnc ws f thr ws n vwl thr.  Dn’t y gr?  Y wld nly s th s nd th t, bt n vwl wld b prsnt.  Y wldn’t b bl t cll tht wrd, nw wld y?   wrld wth n vwls?   wrld wth nly cnsnnts?  Hw bsrd.

Ths s th prblm wth chtspk.  Sr, t s sy, t rmv th vwls frm wrds sch s “r” nd “why” t mk t qckr t snd s th prsn n th thr sd cn rcv yr mssg snr.  f crs, f th prsn dsn’t xctly dslk chtspk, thn sppsdly tht s ll rght.  Chtspk, txtng, Mng, chttng – whtvr y cll t – s n nfrml wy f wrtng.  Y my wrt hwvr y wsh t smn tht knws y.  t s whn smn ds nt ndrstnd th dffrnc btwn frml nd nfrml wrtng s whn ths “spch” bcms  trn wrck.

Sm tchrs dn’t sm t mnd  ppr hndd t thm tht hs chtspk blndng th ppr.  f y wr t rcv  ppr cmpltly flld wth wrds tht wr strctly fr nfrml tlk – t smn wh dsn’t cr nd ctlly ndrstnds wht n th hll y r syng.  Sm tchrs ctlly hv t g lk nln t s wht  crtn wrd mns – thy tk lngr t grd  ppr smn wrt whn t cld hv tkn cnsdrbly lss tm f th prsn ctlly thght f wrtng frmlly – cmpltly vd f chtspk.

Lv th chtspk fr th Ms nd txt mssgng.
Did you understand this? :XD:

Here's a translation:

Suppose you wrote an interesting story. Suppose it was the best story you had ever written. Now take that splendid story and erase all the vowels. Erase them all until the story makes no sense because, well, what is a word without a vowel? I suppose there are some words with no vowel. The word “my” for instance has no vowel, but isn’t there a saying, “and sometimes y?” A story without vowels would be confusing, perplexing, completely baffling. Would you be able to read it? Would you be able to comprehend what the story was saying?

Now think of a world with no vowels. At least the world of letters that are used in the various languages such as English, Italian, and German. What would this crazy world be like without those non-consonants? Perhaps “y” could replace all of them, considering its role of wanting to be both the outcast and to be in the “in-crowd.” Do you believe such a fictional place could exist? Well, there are other languages that spell differently… they don’t necessarily have vowels – like, for example, the popular among anime and manga fans, the Japanese language. However, they sort of have vowels. When their language is turned into romaji, they have what are vowels to us. The words like “kawaii,” “sugoi,” and “onigiri” wouldn’t exist without vowels – for some, um, overused “weaboo” examples.

Reading a book without vowels would be extremely difficult, don’t you agree? Especially for certain words like “sat” and “sit.” You wouldn’t know what the difference was if there was no vowel there. Don’t you agree? You would only see the s and the t, but no vowel would be present. You wouldn’t be able to call that word, now would you? A world with no vowels? A world with only consonants? How absurd.

This is the problem with chatspeak. Sure, it is easy, to remove the vowels from words such as “are” and “why” to make it quicker to send so the person on the other side can receive your message sooner. Of course, if the person doesn’t exactly dislike chatspeak, then supposedly that is all right. Chatspeak, texting, IMing, chatting – whatever you call it – is an informal way of writing. You may write however you wish to someone that knows you. It is when someone does not understand the difference between formal and informal writing is when this “speech” becomes a train wreck.

Some teachers don’t seem to mind a paper handed to them that has chatspeak blinding the paper. If you were to receive a paper completely filled with words that were strictly for informal talk – to someone who doesn’t care and actually understands what in the hell you are saying. Some teachers actually have to go look online to see what a certain word means – they take longer to grade a paper someone wrote when it could have taken considerably less time if the person actually thought of writing formally – completely void of chatspeak.

Leave the chatspeak for the IMs and text messaging.
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:iconimthemom:
imthemom Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2012
I used one of your paragraphs for an assignment in linguistics class
Reply
:iconimthemom:
imthemom Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2012
I borrowed a paragraph from your story for my linguistic class. I do agree with you that this should not be accepted for official English papers or any others for that matter.
Reply
:iconpuzzlie:
Puzzlie Featured By Owner May 2, 2012
Oh my Gosh, I'm really flattered, thank you! And thank you for the fave as well. I hope it helps your paper! C:
Reply
:icondolphin-fly:
Dolphin-Fly Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2009  Student Artist
It hurts me that I could actually understand ninety nine percent of this without translation. XD

GRAMMER NAZIS SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO THAT

Though I could never see how a teacher would see fit to accept a chatspeak paper. .___. My ass would send the motherfucker his paper back and give him five fucking years worth of detention. And over nine thousand fail points.
Reply
:iconpuzzlie:
Puzzlie Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2009
Yeah, I know what you mean. XD I CAN UNDERSTAND A LOT OF IT TOO. But I wrote it, but I'm a grammar nazi as well.

YEAH I KNOW RIGHT. My Intermediate Writing teacher (English 2010) from COLLEGE said he'd accept papers like that and my Corrections college teacher said he actually bought a poster to find out all the chatspeak words. I DON'T GET IT.

VEGETA, HOW MANY FAIL POINTS ARE THERE? THEY'RE OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND.
Reply
:icondolphin-fly:
Dolphin-Fly Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2009  Student Artist
THAT IS AN EPIC AMOUNT OF FAIL

I SPEAK TRULY AND HONESTLY WHEN I SAY THAT MAN NEEDS TO HAVE HIS TEACHING LICENSE REVOKED FOR THOSE ACTS OF DOUCHEBAGGERY.
Reply
:iconpuzzlie:
Puzzlie Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2009
XDDD Which one, the English teacher or the Corrections teacher?

Both of them are really good teachers... but truthfully, I had more respect for the Corrections one. :| It's weird, I've never felt higher above an English teacher before (I'm so highly arrogant it's not even funny).
Reply
:icondolphin-fly:
Dolphin-Fly Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2009  Student Artist
Any teacher who would accept a chatspeak paper. .___.

Not a good teacher in my books.
Reply
:iconpuzzlie:
Puzzlie Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2009
Yeah. I just see it as someone who is completely patient. Patience I do not and could not have. :|
Reply
:icondolphin-fly:
Dolphin-Fly Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2009  Student Artist
I just can't see them that way. It's ridiculous that they let students get away with that kind of bullshit. They want to write in Chatspeak? They can go to their goddamn cellphone, I hope it gets taken away from them by a LOGICAL teacher who's there to teach the ACTUAL ENGLISH LANGUAGE.
Reply
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